Back from the States
Back from the States
Well, it's been a while since I updated the Web site. Honestly, it was just a little tough getting back into the swing of things after our brief trip off-island, touching back into the United States again, even if it wasn't the mainland. You can follow our goings-on on the Big Island of Hawai'i in the photo album portion of the Web site. What I write here is more about the mixed emotions of going from a taste of the U.S. again back to slower-paced life here on our remote island far from our homeland.
The time in Hawai'i was great, but you know, the things I thought would be moments to savor were special but were not really all they were cracked up to be. The kids would likely disagree a bit. They thought getting back to McDonalds and P.F. Chang's again was pretty great! I was excited for them! For myself, I thought Starbucks, restaurants, Walmart, and the mall would be welcomed sights after 5 months of complete withdrawal, but I found out that I was wrong. Most of our binging on conveniences, shopping, and restaurants took place in our 2 or 3 days in Honolulu before returning home, and while I did hit a bad spot of not wanting to come back to Kwaj after tasting my beloved U.S. again, it wasn't entirely bad to be back on our tiny island again (once Mark convinced me to get on the plane back to Kwaj!). Trying to buy boxes of diapers and other special items (cereals and granola bars we can't get here, party goods for the kids' birthdays, etc.) and shipping them to myself space-available created a frenzy within me that hadn't been part of my life in 5 months. Walmart and all of the people in it just about overwhelmed me, and so did a grocery store with one aisle completely dedicated to “chip” options. With a tinge of sadness, I'm sorry to say that Starbucks “wasn't all that” either.
While I was sad to say “good-bye” again to the familiar, I learned a LOT about myself upon our return to the simple life. I learned to make my own espresso drinks in the espresso machine my sister thoughtfully gifted us with a few summers ago (and trained me on...the irony being she no longer really drinks coffee). I make bread in my bread machine. We drink mango/papaya/pineapple smoothies almost every day. When the kids don't like the “adult yogurt” with chunks, I blend it until all chunks need a microscope to detect and they think it is “kid yogurt” again. I make my own waffles. I am even on a cheese fondue kick right now. I even have a “meal system” with a close friend here to get over our blues of not being able to go to a restaurant now and again. We cook for each other once a week, so that one night every week, I don't have to cook, and vice versa. She does Italian, and I do Asian, and it works out great. We share appliances, and we share ingredients. Need cayenne pepper? She probably has it. Need some coffee to make coffee ice cream? I can easily hook you up. We are a community here. One neighbor needs an egg, another a scoop of Crisco....no need to buy it all when we can share. I have learned to cook more from scratch. I make breads out of what is left unfinished in the fridge. (Yup...not kidding...some day-old mango or that last tablespoon of coconut? Goes right in the bread.) So you see, we have made up for no real restaurant, Starbucks, or Walmart. I have practically invited everyone I know on the island who appreciates a good cup of java to come get a gingerbread latte at my house....we are mostly decaffeinated here, but I save a little caffeine for my more “wired” friends. :) And what we don't have in an almost-closing public library (due to budget cuts) and movie/tv selection, we “rent” from each other, sharing books and kid movies. “Do you have any folk tales for the second-grade book report due this week?” Although I literally sobbed before getting back on the plane to return, I found out once I got here how much I have simplified my life and am starting to love that about the place. [Maybe some of you didn't need to move to a remote island in the South Pacific to get that lesson, but apparently I did. :) ]
[And by the way, when I refer to the “simple life,” I realize that making bread in a bread machine (versus picking it up at Panera or getting a huge selection at the grocery store) isn’t the same thing as living off of the land or swinging from a coconut palm hoping to catch my breakfast, so please forgive me if the suburbanite snob in me comes out. I’m just trying to point out that I’m slowly learning to simplify and detox myself from the buy-in-bulk, convenience, instant-gratification American culture that can sadly define us if we let it. They are planning on building a Burger King here (yes, despite the budget cuts that threaten the existence of our public library), and it actually makes me a little sad. I’ve learned to live without Whoppers and Happy Meals, so please don’t re-complicate my life. It’s messing with my mind. It’s like trying to eat a real American pizza in Japan...it doesn’t work. You order, and it ends up with octopus legs as a topping...this really happened to me in 1992.]
I also found out how great it is to be back and just bike along with virtually no scary traffic, other than the occasional preschooler on 2 wheels not really worrying about the rest of us on the road. I found out how great it is to not have to squeeze my kids' hands tight or stress them out about being out of sight as we go into the grocery store (it's not really possible to be out of sight in such a small grocery store anyway, ha). I found out that not having every club known to man or extracurricular activity or enrichment at school isn't the end of the world. Christopher has traded in karate and Spanish for soccer, swimming, basketball, and Cub Scouts so far. Caroline and David get to try their hand at tumbling, and Caroline gets to take field trips with her preschool to see the inside of ships that come to port. I found out how great it is to again live around the American military and those working for the cause. They have a love and appreciation of life that few can match. (Even the military “commercials” here on TV—our only kind of commercial—are starting to grow on me a little, even though they are usually done in a cheesy way, but they talk about simple things: domestic abuse is not okay, it's a good idea to get a savings account and put something in it, no sexual harrassment, how to treat people, etc.)
And I found out how well my kids have adjusted. Two days prior to our return, they were very excited to come back “home” to friends here on Kwaj. Caroline even had an entourage meet her at the airport. They call Kwajalein “home” now, and while that simultaneously breaks my heart and fills me with joy, I know they feel they belong where they live now. It has become as easy as breathing for them. Please pray that I get to that point too. They have been real troopers in embracing this new life, and I have sooo much to learn from them. Even David is adjusting to frozen berries instead of fresh, but I'm sneaking in fresh papaya to his smoothies, and no complaints so far!
Do I still get down and frustrated? Yes. I am still searching for things for ME here on this island, but in the meantime, our family has truly “settled,” and that is a good feeling. And when I have enough self-discipline to truly reflect on what God has been teaching me, I know that while it has definitely been difficult, He has given me so much. A dear friend back in Boston asked recently if I still had the same plans to move back to a certain town in Boston. I don't know the answer to that yet, but I've been asking myself the same question lately. I already know that in 5 short months, I am different. My priorities are rearranged, and somehow the simple Kwaj life has worked part of itself into my heart. Will the dreams I had for the future look exactly the same as I thought they would when I left Boston? Probably not. I know that I still love and miss everyone and most things about Boston. I know that is where I have to go pick my heart back up again in a few years and resume life. That's all I know for now. God is teaching me to try really hard not to be such a control freak and just let go and let Him show me the way. Sometimes I only get last-minute notice in a change in plans, but He always takes me down the perfect path when I yield to His direction. So, if you notice me flailing about again trying to take my own control, please shoot me off a quick, softly rebuking e-mail and remind me who is REALLY in charge, because it clearly isn't me. :)
How am I celebrating these new things I found out about our transition to this new life? Well, the bakery is finally getting a new espresso machine (after months of the only commercial one on the island being in disrepair), so I'm going this Saturday to get me a Coffee Cooler (frappe-style espresso). I even have a babysitter for David. :)
Sunday, February 3, 2008