Lord, I Run to You
Lord, I Run to You
"Lord, I run to you.
No one else will do.
Lord, in troubled times, I will run straight to You.
Though my heart and flesh may fail,
You're my Ever-Present Help,
My Tower of Strength,
My Portion Evermore."
Some of our blogs are to show you interesting things about the island life here. Some are for those of you interested in following our heart around during these few years here someplace so different. This is one of those "heart" blogs.
The song "Lord, I Run to You" by worship song artist (is that the right term? Sometimes I just make new words up) Tommy Walker has become my theme song here these first few months at Kwajalein. Moving and adjusting to a very different way of life is at the same time exhilarating and extremely wearying. I feel sometimes there are no emotional reserves left and that my last ounce of strength and courage floated out onto the reef on a raft never to drift back to lagoon-side again. I can already see what a blessing this move has been in our lives, in terms of personal growth and building of character, and we are already blessed with good friends and an enriched daily life. But, sometimes the pull to give up and not try any harder to acclimate takes over, and I want to go home. I miss Boston, and I miss dear ones. I miss the familiar and the changing of seasons. The fact that many of you have snow already at the date of this writing makes me feel like I am missing out on something I love, but then again, if I left this place, a piece of my heart would be left behind as well. I feel between two worlds...one I don't want to let go of and one I don't want to get too close to and leave again in a few years. I am working it through each day, but it's a process.
My almost-5-year-old daughter asked me recently if I liked the holes (pierced ears) in my ears and stated clearly she liked her ears "complete" (filled in, without holes) just fine as they are, and would Jesus fill the holes in on my ears again as He makes our bodies perfect in Heaven again someday? Wow. She didn't know how profound her statement was coming at me. I see the holes I have perceived in my own self and in the feeling of "failing" at times at this new life, and I wish I had her perspective. "Yes, Honey, any holes in my life will indeed be filled in with His perfection when we are in His presence in Heaven someday." May I live like I believe that in the here and now. May I have her strong sense of faith.
Before the move, when I asked God for confirmation that this move was right for this season of our lives, He gave it to me over and over again. But He never said being here was going to be a cakewalk. He just confirmed to me that it was where we were supposed to be. And I've been wandering around asking Him why it is still so hard, and what is wrong with me that I can't see every moment here as a complete blessing, and then I feel Him nudging me and reminding me of where He is in all of this: "When you were struggling with the social pressures of a small town here, did I not send you a new friend to go through it with you? When you were missing a comfort of home, did I not have someone contact you out of the blue with a care package? When you needed comforting, did I not have a trustworthy and compassionate woman who knows Me approach you and ask how you are...how you REALLY are...and how can she listen or encourage you? Did she not completely hear, relate to, and fully understand your needs? When you needed extra grace to deal with a difficult person, did I not offer you My words to speak? When you needed prayer, did I not send a perfect stranger--via a family member--with an e-mail to you offering her prayers for your new life here?" "Why yes, Lord, You did. Help me to see where You have already filled in my holes of weakness."
So, I blast this song every morning because there truly is nowhere to run around here :) but toward Him. When I try it my way, I end up bobbing about at sea -- aimlessly and discontent. When I look up and ask Him to give me His eyes to see things, He is very faithful, and while the struggle and challenges are still there, He shows me how He blesses and blesses with whom and what He brings my way to provide for every need. I hope I can take that and "pay it forward" while I'm here, leaving people here blessed from head to toe. :)
We are happy most days, despite the struggles, and we look forward to the holidays and a mid-year, off-island trip in January, but we feel that running toward those things gets us nowhere if we don't remember Who it is that gives us everything we need. So, thank you, Tommy Walker, for putting words to my heart: "Lord, I run to You [because] no one else will do. Lord, in troubled times, I will run straight to You. Though my heart and flesh may fail, You're my Ever-Present Help, My Tower of Strength, My Portion Evermore."
Sunday, November 11, 2007